When things go wrong

This week didn't end very well for me. It started out very exciting and busy, but ended with a huge reality check.

Thursday was the first day of our annual church women's conference. A very big event hosted in the Sydney Entertainment Centre with over 15,000 girls attending the two conference events from around the world.

I have had the opportunity to help out behind the scenes in the conference registrations department. Slightly understaffed, the area is a high paced environment with overwhelming volumes of emails and calls to manage each day. Over the last 6 months I have felt that I had really got a hold of the work required and have been able to bring my best computer and organisational skills to the team to assist them with handling what is required of us each day.

Therefore it came as quite a shock to realise on Friday that I may have been the sole reason that a few ladies may have missed out on a wonderful conference experience. Without going into too much detail, a small issue with using incorrect computer codes when making phone bookings, may have resulted in wrong decisions being made ultimately impacting a few delegates travel arrangements.

I had a sleepless night on Friday. I felt physically sick. I cried.

It was unfathomable that a mistake like that could have been made by me. Me! The one who is always so diligent in doing the right thing. The one who always follows up a query to make sure all the "i"'s are dotted and no misunderstandings occur.

Me. I did it.

And there was nothing I could do to undo it. I didn't know the names of the ladies affected and didn't know where they lived. I couldn't walk up to them and apologise. I just have to live with it. Live with the fact that I may have ruined their wonderful trip.

It took me all of 2 days to accept this fact. I'm not sure what will happen next week when I walk into the office and they realise it was me. I'm not even sure if the team managed to salvage the situation or if we have a few irate letters coming our way after conference.

All I know is that it was a mistake. A nasty one. But an unintentional mistake. One that is deeply regretted. I have had my chat with God. I have asked Him for grace. Because I am not sure why this has happened - but in eternity, I am sure this will all make sense and I need to give over to Him the worries I have in this world. And having endless sleepless nights is not going to help my purpose in life that He has planned for me. I have to accept the fact that He also walks with those other ladies that may have had a horrible week stranded without transport and that He will make a way for them.

I have to trust that He is God. And I am fallable. I am not perfect. I just do my best. And sometimes my best falls short because of human nature. But God understands. God is still in control. And I have learnt how to use this knowledge to make sure it doesn't happen again so that more girls will have transport in future to make it to a conference to hear about our amazing God.

So - I will put the past behind me and look toward the future. And toward more women that will be lucky enough to call me in the registrations department next time to take their bookings. The right way.

Territorial issues

I totally believe that we are individuals and should be able to make our own decisions in life. However, I also understand that we are not doing life alone, and that each decision we make will have an impact on others.

This is why we cannot make decisions without considering those around us. Yes - we should be able to function on our own, with independent choices, but usually there are 2 different views on a situation. Neither of them are right or wrong, but our circumstances in life influences the way that we perceive the situation. Unless this is talked through prior to decisions being made it may result in territorial issues.

Take for instance a small decision like employing domestic cleaners. Not a real life problem, right? Wrong. Even small, insignificant decisions like these, made without the consultation of impacted parties may be disastrous.

My dear husband, out of the best place in his heart, with love for his house & wife, had decided that his home is in need of domestic cleaners. The whole idea, with our change in work-life-balance was that I would be at home, looking after the housework whilst he remains breadwinner. We therefor graciously let go of our external domestic help.

Initially a great idea. However - life happens.

Since being away from employed work, I have been blessed with the opportunity of helping our church in areas where my natural administration skills are of great assistance. I have been managing the housework around these commitments. Clearly not as intended though to have a full housecleaning day each week. Each day was rather spend in cleaning a section of the house, ie. The area in most need. Whether this was the laundry, the toilets, the bathrooms or the carpets. It just depended on the amount of time to my disposal.

I felt that although the house was not sparkling (except of course when we had visitors) it was generally cleaned when in need.

Clearly, I have been alone in this thought. Clearly, my husband felt the need for a sparkling clean house at least weekly.

Therein does not lie the problem though, as I can see his need for a clean house. Admittedly we have never shared his passion for ultimate pristine hospital grade cleanliness, (after having 2 kids & realizing the futility of this passion, I have given up) but it is a wonderful feeling to have that at least once in a while.

Hence, I had no qualm about re-employing help. What I do have a problem with, was the proceeding ambush with which the decision was delivered.
A) Re-hiring the previous cleaners without consulting dearest wife.
B) Not informing said wife until the evening before said cleaners were due to arrive.
C) Not informing said wife until 10pm that said cleaners would be arriving at 7am the next morning.

If any of you out there has domestic cleaners (and I am not talking about the live-in type, as that is a totally different kettle of fish) you would understand the term "clean before the cleaners". That is the exercise of actually picking up all the crap your children have inadvertently left lying about the house and putting it away, as the cleaners may either vacuum it into oblivion, or pack it away somewhere where you will only find it again once you move house.

I was therefor scrambling around just prior to midnight getting the house in order for The Big Clean.

So now our house has domestic cleaners again. Wonderful to have the help.

Next time, I'd really like to be considered in these type of decisions that really sits 100% in my territory. Because overstepping the boundaries, even when well intended, may mean that one miss vital information that you would not normally consider.

The downside of these cleaners are that they are the type that leaves your tiles & carpets clean, but everything else around it in disarray. Heaven help us if there was something in the way of the vacuum. You may now find it on the fridge...

But I think possibly the biggest adjustment to the situation is that they are only available on the one day where I have no out of house commitments and therefor the day I may be hanging around the house unpacking cupboards, or in need of a shower after excercising. All of which now I'll be doing whilst constantly considering other people are in the house. Not the relaxed quite day at home I really needed to refresh the spirit.

I may be hanging out in coffee shops more on Fridays now. Keep an eye out for me.

Two hands not enough

Seriously - how many of you out there sometimes wish God had created women with more than two hands? Come to think of it, two of ME would have been fantastic!

There are just so many days that I feel I can't do everything that my brain has lined up in my head and I so wish I could split myself in two. Everyone always talks of delegation, but c'mon - who can really ask a 10 year old to go and fetch clothes in the baskets upstairs, sort them and then put them in the washer whilst I am prepping dinner? Or even worse, ask him to chop up the chicken with the butcher's knife while I attend to the laundry? Not gonna happen. Not in my house anyway.

I mean I have heard of ladies who have gone through the effort of training their kids since birth to handle a knife properly or to help clean the toilets, but unfortunately I have always thought that kids should be kept away from anything sharp or has an open fire or can chemically scar them for life. Could have been where I went wrong...

Children are supposedly more capable of doing adult chores than I am letting on. Perhaps it is the power freak in me that has kept me from taking that leap of faith. Whatever it may be, fact is I am stuck managing my inability to delegate chores to my kids and having to stay up till around midnight to get it all done.

And I'm not even talking about the paperwork... Excuse me for a moment. I think I may be needed elsewhere...

Romance vs Reality

I have just finished watching another romantic movie and believe I need to wean myself off this genre. I cannot help but break down when the couple find their long lost love and declare their lifelong devotion to each other. What is it about the adoration of a handsome man that make all women in the room crumble?

I think it's partly because we know it is just not true. The 'sweep you off your feet' or 'I'll cover oceans to follow you where you go' type of love only lasts the few years while you are dating.

All women marry the man of their dreams. The guy who makes you feel like you are the most beautiful girl in the world. And then reality sets in. Life happens. It is impossible for a male to continue courting his wife for a lifetime. Courting is after all a tough job. And with the responsibility of earning an income and looking after a family, one job is more than enough. It is much easier to settle into a longterm relationship that is so secure there is no longer a need to continue showering your wife with gifts and adoration.

Don't misunderstand me though. Most men love their wives and would truly lay down their lives for them. They just don't act like a love sick teenager or Casanova from the movies. It's just more a deep mateship than a tangible passion. But I think most women still dream of the prince who will sweep them off their feet every now and then.

So excuse me if I cry at romantic movies. The tears are not just about the story that is so beautiful, but also realising that in reality, most women will never experience such lifelong romance.

The Joy of Reading

My husband needed to go to the local bookshop today to pick-up a book for his studies. I thought it would be a great opportunity to have a wander around too, just in case something caught my eye.

Lo and behold, just as we were about to leave, the cover of a book jumped out at me. It was a book that had been recommended by one of my friends a few months back, and after having read the online reviews, I have been wanting to acquire it for some time. I don't know why I never got around to picking it up, but it had completely slipped my mind - until today.

It was as if I found a long lost friend. I was so excited to hold it in my hands and almost sprinted to the checkout to buy it.

I couldn't wait to start reading it, and as anti-social as it must have seemed, I even flicked open the first few pages over lunch at the food court.

I think I might even be sacrificing my Sunday afternoon nap to be able to spend a few precious moments with the new read. The laundry might also have to take a backseat today...

What is it about the promise of a good story? The unfolding of the characters and the storyline as you turn each page is magical. When the story plays out in your head like the movie you would have filmed it is sometimes uncomprehensible that you have not actually "seen" it. It is just all so real.

I can still recall a story I read when I was in primary school. I vividly remember the local library my mum took us to for our weekly borrowings. If we go there today - provided they haven't updated the interior layout in 20 years - I can walk you straight to the shelf where one of my favourite books would be. It was a detective series and one of the books ended with a letter from a servant of the detective. It was so poignantly written that I still laugh out loud today just thinking of it.

As online reading on Kindle, iPad and all sorts of other electronic devices take off, I wonder how long we will still have the joy of picking up a book and turning the yellowing pages. Personally, I hope books never go out of fashion.

Do you have a favourite book that you can recite parts of, even though it has been ages since you read it?

What makes us truly happy?

I have taken a year off work recently to spend quality time with my family and figure out, at the ripe age of 36, what is it that I really want to achieve in life. Apart from the fact that I believe God has placed me here for a specific purpose, I know that I have not felt that I've been in the right place for a long time. One kinda knows you need to change your situation for you to have a change in mind.

So, here I am. 5 months later. And what have I found? Well, I think there are loads more to discover. However, I have undeniably determined that work is not the sole source of my frustrations.

What truly makes me happy, is to feel that I have control over a situation. It doesn't matter whether it be a fun event like a picnic, or a formal commitment such as volunteer work. If I can plan it and run it the way I have played it out in my mind, I am happy.

But heaven forbid, if the day turns out not to fit with my perfect plan. If I spill coffee on the floor on the way out the door, or if a meeting runs over time, I lose my happy place. Clearly I cannot handle stress. Regardless whether it is self-inflicted or from external factors.

So is there really a way to just laugh about these things? I often think the movie "Anger Management", with all its silliness, was onto something. Perhaps I should also just start chanting "goose-frabbaaaaaa" before I explode.

Laugh? Maybe not quite just yet. But I hope to be able to at least lower the blood pressure.

Sharing is good... or is it?

New mums all struggle trying to constantly remind their little ones to 'share'. It is a social skill that we need to ensure we fit in. It is also the basic belief that we need to ensure we have a community that cares for each other. Ultimately, if we can't learn how to share, how will we ever learn how to give away and sacrifice to help those in greater need?

But are there limits to sharing? And when is it appropriate, if ever, to be selfish?

Take for example a new toy. Is it fair to expect of a child to share their brand new birthday present with all their party friends? Complications arise, such as, what if the new toy is broken even before the receiver has had a turn to play with it? Surely, under certain circumstances, putting away things, or being selfish and not share, is acceptable?

As a mum I certainly know that I won't be sharing my brand new iPhone with my children. Although I have noticed a lot of parents have resorted to using this as the latest way of entertaining children whilst out and about, I still regard this as an item of value and will not be allowing my children, who, according to law, is not considered responsible for their actions before the age of seven, to fiddle around with it and accidentally drop it. Surely this could be regarded as not sharing?

This afternoon my daughter had a disagreement with the neighbour's little girl. They were both riding their bikes and all of a sudden, the neighbour's daughter felt her bike was of lesser status than my daughter's and abandoned it. She promptly insisted on riding my daughter's bike. The request was delivered with a very confident expectation and a slight aura of demand in her posture. My daughter, however, likes her bike.

So here's the dilemma - do I : (a) insist that my daughter gets off her bike and gives it to the other child, just because she insists, or (b) tell the other child to get back on her own bike and ask her mum for a new one for Christmas?

As my daughter is 2 years older, fortunately the other bike was too small, and I had no choice but to refuse and re-instate the own bike status quo. I have to admit though, I felt very comfortable with this decision. And I have asked myself why?

I have come to the following conclusion: Sharing is only good if it is giving freely and not forced upon an individual. The value of sharing needs to be instilled in all people, but we need to be given the choice of what and when we want to share. And possibly, I anticipate, the more we share, the more we would want to share.

The same goes for love. Love cannot be forced upon a person, but has to be earnt freely before it is of real true value.

May we all learn to expect less of each other and demand nothing, in the hope that in return we will be blessed with lots of love and sharing.